"'Mamihlapinatapei' from ollie. xo "
“ Mamihlapinatapei “
The look between two people in which
each loves the other but is
is too afraid to make the first move.
nothing scared them anymore. not sundown. not the walkers. not the eerie gait of the clickers. not even caroline’s questionable cooking creations, though it still made them wary (and sometimes sick). it was freeing, not to fear. to be relieved of a heavy weight in their chest and gifted with a clear head was a thing of beauty. in a world swiftly turning to hell, lack of fear was to be sought after. it was to be coveted. it was to survive. they were lucky.
thoughts like this lasted only until their eyes met.
i love you, but i’m not strong enough for you, is what her gaze told him.
i love you, but losing you would mean my end, is what his gaze told her.
only then were they caught staring fear head-on. because love meant fear of loss, and loss they both counted as familiars. love meant giving yourself to something vulnerable, something made of easily pierced flesh and fragile bone. and when they looked at each other, that is what they saw: something that death could touch.
for him, this was the revelation that bore his hesitation. the ones he loved died, they bled and they suffered. he did not wish to count her among them.
for her, it was more than that. she saw him and was reminded of fears she’d buried deep. fears of inadequacy. fears of not deserving him and the strength he possessed. this was what kept her at bay: the fact that she was not really without fear at all.
but while they failed to see any of this in each other’s eyes; no one else did.
i love you, but i’m afraid to be loved by you, is what their friends saw.
and they couldn’t have been more right.